…A TIME FOR REFLECTION
*The summer is a special time. Especially in New York – you learn alot – like what boiling urine smells like, I learned that yes you can see whether or not people are wearing underwear with their short white linen dresses; and that “hot shit” actually exists and sometimes you see it steaming on the street! But the summer mostly makes me grateful. I am thankful for air conditioning and ice cream and cold beer but mostly the summer makes me extremely grateful that that we don’t give hugs with our legs.
June and July have been big months – let’s get caught up on some of the happenings and thoughts that I have had in these steamy summer Months…shall we? (whose bored enough…really?)
*I defriended three people who I believe were bragging thus impacting the feeling that I made “a wrong turn” somewhere
* I wondered why I am not living in a trailer park chain smoking and drinking moonshine. This was after I said to – pretty much a stranger; “I have a high tolerance for pain and a low tolerance for bullshit”
* There is a 70 year-old man inhabiting my reflexes and causing me to say these things like “Move it Ya Hippie” I would like to publicly ask him to leave.
*I think I figured something out. You know when someone asks what you want first, the good news or the bad news? I’ve started just asking them to average them out and tell me that…its usually much better and more concise
*This is something I don’t get why do flys eat poop when there are so many better things on the ground in NYC to eat
*I got hit with a water balloon while walking down to my deli and the teenagers that attacked me followed it up with “izzz summah shortee…whatcha gonna do?” The only thing I could say was “cry”…I have to move
*I was admiring the beautiful weather and just stepped in doo doo…I hope it was a dog’s and not a crackhead’s
*I lost my phone and learned the following… 1. It is difficult to find an alarm clock 2. I would ask for your number but there are hardly any pay phones anymore 3. If I did call you from a pay phone you probably wouldn’t answer because you didn’t know the number
* This took some calculating- but, he way I figure it -every four minutes a new douche bag is born
*I walked behind a lesbian couple for five blocks while they argued on my way to work this morning – I learned the following – they use more adjectives and better grammar than straights and I would not like to be in an argument with them.
*Maybe I feel guilty about not working out – but I am just going to do some frued shit and turn it all around…Please note, any time I say I am at “the gym” it means I am at a bar – “treadmill” bar stool – “elliptical” – booth – “reclining bike” passed out in the bathroom.
*Whenever I feel lonely – I think to myself, man I am glad I didn’t put out those mousetraps.
*You know those people who glisten instead of sweat? 1. I am not one of them and 2. I hate them – almost as much as I hate pretty sleepers and people who wake up not looking like they got raped like myself.
*I woke up with an intense desire to know the following: Who is more boring to bone, Tiger Woods, Al Gore, or Larry King and I don’t know the answer I do know that Larry Kings balls are probably the scariest pale raisins anyone has ever seen.
